Yes?

Can you imagine not being able to say "yes" or "no" in response to a question? These are two very useful words that up until now Josh has not been able to use successfully. According to my What to Expect The Toddler Years book, children usually learn to say "no" as one of their first words. They also learn to say "no" before they learn to say "yes" because it is easier to enunciate the word "no" than the word "yes." Apparently it is also easier to shake the head back and forth for no than to move the head up and down for yes. Until recently, Josh has done neither. At one point he had over 50 words, none of them being "no" or "yes." So how did he express "no" or "yes?" If we asked him if he wanted something, he would repeat the name of the thing he wanted with a hopeful tone in his voice. The common response to the question, "Do you want a cookie?" was the word cookie said with a big smile and often a laugh. Negative responses often included crying or whining or even ignoring. If we asked Josh if he was ready to come inside after playing, he would respond by crying and wailing.

To teach Josh to say "yes" and "no" his teachers would ask him nonsense questions. For example they would ask him if his teddy bear was a diaper? He would just stare at them in confusion, look at them like they were crazy or ignore them. We also tried asking him if he wanted something he didn't like in order to elicit a negative response. We would offer him a raisin and he would respond by ignoring us or turning his head. Recently things have begun to click into place. His teacher will push him in a swing and then ask if he wants to stop. She models the word "no," which he repeats and then she starts pushing him again. He has been responding more and more often without the prompt. We ask him if he wants to swing and we get an enthusiastic "yes!" Well, it's more like "wes!" because the "y" is hard for him to say. The other day when I picked him up from school, I asked him if he wanted to go get some fries. To my surprise and delight, instead of hearing an enthusiastic "fries?!" in response I was met with a cheery "okay!" I was so pleased and you can be assured that Josh got as many french fries as his little heart desired for lunch,

Beautiful Surprises

Every now and then, I have a moment where I realize just how far we have come in this journey with Josh. Yesterday he was playing quietly by himself (and not bugging Jane who was nearby) when I heard him say, "Want Mommy fix it." Apparently one of the ramps on his toy garage had come loose and Jane was playing with it. All of a sudden it struck me that when we first had Josh evaluated a little over a year ago, he wasn't putting two words together. Now this sentence had just come out of his mouth. He was able to convey what he wanted and I was able to fix it. This was HUGE! I wish I could convey the amount of work that has gone into that sentence. Josh's teachers would get him to use two words by having him repeat phrases like "more crackers" or crackers, please" with something he wanted, like crackers or cookies. Food is a powerful motivator for Josh. (He's like his mom!). Sometimes he would cry and I would think, "Just give it to him!" When he got better at putting two words together, his teachers (and his parents) started demanding three words. like "more crackers please." This seems to be how these early intervention programs work. When a child masters something, it's on to the next thing. Now lest you think we are all cruel taskmasters, Josh gets lots of breaks. We only work on these things at certain times of the day and we always monitor his emotional state. If he seems too tired, or if he is sick, then we go easy on him. And if he gets really frustrated then we've worked out a system where he can show us what he wants.

Josh is really making great progress. Today he asked me, "Go to school today?" He loves school. When we get to his classroom he rushes in and starts playing, often forgetting to take off his coat. He can say all of his teachers' and classmates' names (that's 15 people!) and we are working on greeting each person by name when we first see them. Often autistic children won't wave as babies or say "Hi" and "Bye" when they get older. Josh is learning this skill at the same time as his little sister Jane. The other day I came home from a meeting. Josh popped his head out and said, "Hi Mommy!" I almost died of happiness. To greet me at the appropriate time and call me "mommy" which he didn't do until just before his 3rd birthday, well that was just incredible! He's always catching me off guard. The other day we were watching Sesame Street. He gleefully identified Cookie Monster when he came on screen. They are kindred spirits those two! But then Josh stunned me by saying "Letter of the Day." He knew the presence of Cookie Monster and Prairie Dawn onscreen meant it was time for the Letter of the Day. These things might seem very small and basic but there were dark moments when I worried they would never happen. That's one of the hardest and best parts of this autism thing. You learn to really appreciate every little milestone, things that come naturally to typically-developing children. There's a fair amount of heartbreak when your child can't do what most of his peers can, but when he achieves something he couldn't do before the feeling is tremendous!

First...then...

These are two powerful words. Jason and I first learned about them when we read Jenny McCarthy's book Louder Than Words. These words are a way of helping a kid understand sequence. For example, we say to Josh, "First eat your applesauce, then you can have a granola bar." or "First we have to put on shoes, then we can go outside." Often we simplify because autistic children have trouble with too much verbalization. We say, "First applesauce, then granola bar." It's a way of teaching Josh to wait for what he really wants, that you got to eat the healthy stuff before the sweet stuff. It's a good thing to know for adulthood too. "First you go to work, then you can have fun."

Today, Josh decided to adapt the "first, then" phrase. He has been harassing Jane a lot lately and as a consequence we have been putting him in the corner for a time out. Unfortunately, I was in the middle of changing both kids' diapers when the harassment started again. I was almost done changing Jane but Josh was still quite a stinky fellow. He took the toy that was distracting Jane during her change and she started to cry. I told him to give the toy back to which he responded, "Go to corner," He was not telling me to go to the corner but was telling himself what to do because he knew he was in trouble. He does this often when he knows he's done something wrong. He says. "Hurt Jane!" after slapping her on the head. This is him echoing what he hears often, "Don't hurt Jane." Either the kid is ignoring or not hearing the "Don't" part. Now we say "Be gentle." In response to Josh's latest toy swiping and self-inflicted corner punishment, I said, "No, we are not going to the corner, we have to change your diaper!" His response was, "Then, corner!" He seemed quite pleased with himself and rather excited to go to the corner. I'm glad he is starting to understand "first, then" but I think I am going to have to come up with a new consequence for bugging Jane. The corner clearly is not working.

I have arrived!

For those of you who do not know, I am engineer, ;), so I have trouble with what most people call "English." One of my deciding criteria in studying engineering was so that I would not have to "write." Well, that has not worked out so well. After submitting three featured papers and my portfolio I have been accepted as co-editor of Megan's awesome blog.

I feel lucky to have such an amazing wife and two wonderful children, whom have been previously described. We are also blessed to have great teachers for Josh, as well as school administrators and coordinators.

I thought I would share a quick story. As we were getting a second opinion about Josh's autism diagnosis the doctor we asked what the future would hold for Josh. Paraphrasing what the doctor said "Do you know any engineers? He will be like that." Engineers are obviously not known for their social behavior, emotional displays, or what some people refer to as "feelings" which is also some of the generalization of autistic children. Needless to say Josh and I have a lot in common, which I like and look forward to future joint projects. I only hope if he becomes an engineer he introduces himself as an engineer.

Welcome

I finally relented and agreed to let my husband, Jason contribute to this blog. I'm not very good about sharing. He now considers himself an "editor" and I'm sure there will be no living with him now, but he is going through this too and I'm sure he has some great stuff to say. And I happen to love him so he gets his way and I'm glad to have him.

Team We Love Josh

My awesome sister Lindsay is doing something really cool for my son Joshua. As a birthday gift to me this year, she is going to participate in a Walk for Autism on April 25 in the Los Angeles area. The walk is to raise money for Autism Speaks, a reputable charity that engages in "awareness, fundraising, science, and advocacy efforts." My brother Brandon and his cute wife Chelsea have joined Lindsay's team and have dubbed themselves "Team We Love Josh." Several people have also made donations. I couldn't be more delighted or grateful. This truly means more to me than they will ever know. And they will be helping other children with autism! If you would like to help out, you can go to Lindsay's blog or to the team page for "Team We Love Josh."

Affection

A common misconception about autistic children is that they don't feel the same affection or attachment as typically-developing children do. This has never been the case with Joshua nor with any of the other autistic children we know. Josh's special education teacher suggested the other day that perhaps in some cases the opposite of the stereotype is true, that autistic children, with their heightened sensitivities, feel "too much." I don't know for certain but tonight after family prayer, Jason and I were giving the kids kisses before taking them upstairs to bed. Jason usually carries Josh up while I carry Jane. As we headed upstairs, Josh turned to Jason and planted a spontaneous kiss on his cheek. I could tell Jason was pleased by the way he said, "Thanks, Pal!" happily to Josh. I was delighted and little sad that I wasn't the one getting the "free" kiss. I ask Josh for kisses all day long which for the most part he obliges me with. I rejoice in Joshua's capacity for pure love and affection. Truly he is a gift from God.