First...then...

These are two powerful words. Jason and I first learned about them when we read Jenny McCarthy's book Louder Than Words. These words are a way of helping a kid understand sequence. For example, we say to Josh, "First eat your applesauce, then you can have a granola bar." or "First we have to put on shoes, then we can go outside." Often we simplify because autistic children have trouble with too much verbalization. We say, "First applesauce, then granola bar." It's a way of teaching Josh to wait for what he really wants, that you got to eat the healthy stuff before the sweet stuff. It's a good thing to know for adulthood too. "First you go to work, then you can have fun."

Today, Josh decided to adapt the "first, then" phrase. He has been harassing Jane a lot lately and as a consequence we have been putting him in the corner for a time out. Unfortunately, I was in the middle of changing both kids' diapers when the harassment started again. I was almost done changing Jane but Josh was still quite a stinky fellow. He took the toy that was distracting Jane during her change and she started to cry. I told him to give the toy back to which he responded, "Go to corner," He was not telling me to go to the corner but was telling himself what to do because he knew he was in trouble. He does this often when he knows he's done something wrong. He says. "Hurt Jane!" after slapping her on the head. This is him echoing what he hears often, "Don't hurt Jane." Either the kid is ignoring or not hearing the "Don't" part. Now we say "Be gentle." In response to Josh's latest toy swiping and self-inflicted corner punishment, I said, "No, we are not going to the corner, we have to change your diaper!" His response was, "Then, corner!" He seemed quite pleased with himself and rather excited to go to the corner. I'm glad he is starting to understand "first, then" but I think I am going to have to come up with a new consequence for bugging Jane. The corner clearly is not working.